McCain Broad Housing Recovery Plan Allows Families To Live In Three of His Four Houses or Maybe Six of his Seven Houses, Whatever.

McCain spoke to the National Economists Society “By allowing between 1 and 6 families with foreclosures depending on my latest residence count, to live in my houses we should make a significant dent in the housing problem.”

Palin To Woo Christ Killing Voting Block

Sarah Palin in a Miami Beach retirement home told reporters “I want to address the needs and concerns of these slayers of the Messiah. In addition to controlling the media and the International Monetary system we need them to make it to Washington.
John McCain and I are mavericks just as in Roman times the Jews were mavericks in crucifying the Son of God.
God Bless them."

Change, Change, Change, Change of Fools

Where is Aretha Franklin when you need her?

John McCain aide says “6.1% record unemployment rate has good personality.”

The McCain spokesman elaborated "It’s not about the fact more Americans than ever are out of work, the unemployed will decide their next president based on the “character and toughness” of those jobs that aren’t there. Some of those non existent jobs might have laid down their jobs for this country."

Sarah Palin To Change CSpan to C Section Channel if she Wins the White House

"I have new bold plans for the media. Cspan is boring and does nothing to reinforce family values" says the never shy Sarah.
"A channel that features Ceaserean sections interspersed with Congressional hearings, that is the kind of America I want to live in."

Republicans and Democrats Working on Bipartisan bill to tell the truth

The bill is tentatively entitled “America First and American Samoa second.”
Other titles being floated around include “The Bridge to Somewhere that is Truth and not Nowhere”
But neither party is hopeful their plan will make it even out of committee.
It is been stalled by filibusters and Dairy Queen’s Peanut Butter Parfait Busters up to now
So far both parties have agreed the plan would involve attaching lie detectors to their tongues whenever addressing the public.
In anticipation of the bill passing each party is searching for future presidential candidates that have had their tongues cut out.

Republicans to Shoot Down Balloons at End of Convention

Thinking it may galvanize the NRA base the Republicans have decided to issue assault rifles to all their delegates and shoot down the red,white and blue balloons released at the end of the convention.
"There will be coupons inside the balloons for special prizes like a kevlar bible or a mooseburger shake" said one delegate spokesman.