Palin Bailout Plan includes Exchanging Moosepelts For Credit Derivatives

Minimizing the impact of the stock market crash Sarah Palin unveiled a bailout plan today that would take the credit derivatives of Morgan Stanley and Goldman Sachs and trade them for moose pelts.
"Think of them as financial instruments with fur. These were the currency of our Alaskan forefathers. They must have known something."

Google To Offer Blog'oscopy

For those who believe their external observations, random witticisms, and sensitive personal stories aren’t enough, giant Internet Firm Google will allow you to blog “what’s going on” with your internal organs.
The strategicly placed webcam will let people know what you are up to, dissect your political beliefs while checking for polyps.
New features include “colon sharing”
“liver as giver” (blood based wish lists)
As well as Comments from the pancreas.

New Improved Poligrip Helps Politicians Lie Through Their Teeth

New Poligrip holds dentures and fixed perceptions in place, so politicians can lye through their teeth.
No kernels of corn or truth, will come between you and those aging men running for office.
There is no slippage with those silly complexities of issues made popular by apple eating liberals.
No oozing of facts.
New Poligrip forms a barrier that even the hot immigration debate can’t permeate.

ABC in Talks with Sarah Palin to star in "Fascists Housewives"

A spokeman for ABC described it as a spin off of 'Desperate Housewives' except we will replace promiscuity with book burning and aerial wolf hunting.

Karl Rove to remake Famous 'Deliverance' Scene to "Squeal Like a Democrat"

Capitalizing on the liptick on the pig furor Karl Rove has secured the rights to the film 'Deliverance' and plans via a 527 ad to dub the audio in the famous sodomy scene to “Squeal like a Democrat.”
“Go on squeal. Squeal. Squeal like a democrat.”
"I'm not sure on whether the sodomizer will be applying lipstick, we are running that idea before several focus groups" added Mr. Rove.
Rumors suggest that Todd Palin, may have a walk on part as one of the woodsman. His wife Sarah, the VP nominee, may have a cameo as a chained pit-bull.

"Die Harder So You Can Come Back as a Janitor"

What if John MacClean/John McCain of "Die Hard" fame teamed up with Shirley MacClean of past lives therapy fame? Their next film might be "Die Harder So You Come Back as a Janitor"
http://spentcattle.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=292060

Sarah Palin Scores -450 On Celebrity Jeopardy After She Refuses to Put Her Answers in Question Form

Palin defended her score “I’m under strict instructions not to answer any questions period and putting your answers in question form is just too close to answering a question. It seems like another liberal trick of the left wing media."
It’s reported that Palin later turned down a guest spot on “Whose Line is It Anyway?” adding “I refuse to take part in a show that celebrates Plagiarism.”