Todd Palin, If Wife Elected Plans to Market "Rednecktar" Wine

Todd Palin, the husband of Sarah Palin, who was arrested for a DUI in 1986 said he will market his own special wine "RedNecktar" if his wife wins in November.
"If it worked for Billy Carter with Billy Beer so I can do it too. Nobody can take it away from me unless I'm driving"

McCain reveals first choice for VP was God but the Lord Didn't survive vetting Process

An interoffice memo of the McCain campaign reveals that their first choice for a Vice Presidential running mate was God. But during the vetting process McCain aides "came across some questionable geological practices during the Mesozoic era."
Further scrutiny revealed "some liberal leaning on the Creationism issue'
and the Lord questioning Genghis Kahn pro life stance despite his raping and looting.
We were excited about the possibility of putting God directly on the ticket but we're scared it might distract from some of the issues, therefore we choose a mooseburger eating, gun toting, snowmobile queen as a God surrogate.

Palin now describes herself as "Tonsil Hockey" Mom

Given the latest disclosure about her daughters pregnancy and promuscuity Sarah Palin is calling herself a "Tonsil Hockey mom" instead of a plain old "Hockey mom"

Palin Claims Daughters Child Immaculate Conception

Sarah Palin claims her daughter never had sex but was visited by the son of God during her "American History" class.
"We were studying the U.S constitution and I felt something funny" said the daughter.

Is Sarah Palin Nostradamus?

In a frightening example of seeing the future Sarah Palin answered the Miss Alaska beauty pagent question “How Could You Help The World?
by responding
" Shooting guns, joining the PTA then joining a man resembling a hairless Albino lab rat to be his Vice President."

McCain Plans to Deliver Acceptance Speech from Set of Giant Pick Up Trucks and Mobile Homes

In a move to upstage Obama's dramatic speech from the Roman columns of the Invesco center his Republican counterpart, John McCain, plans to bring the country his acceptance speech from an elaborately built set of Pick up trucks and seven mobile homes (the latest house count of Mr. McCain)
A McCain spokesman "We want to show the country Mr. McCain is one of you and barring any indoor tornadoes it should be powerful. And we might have a few dramatic suprises like a napalm attack or Carrie Underwood waterboarding Mr. McCain."

Senile McCain Picks Hannah Montana as Vice President

Rumors abound about McCain’s senility after he picks Hannah Montana as VP choice.
“I need to get in touch with the young people and for them to know I’m behind them.Plus with Montana a swing state this solidifies my base in the West, plus I understand she’s black."