Wednesday, October 22, 2008

McCain tries to capitalize on "Bernice The Exterminator"

Desperate to throw out anything and everything at this point that may help his campaign McCain is citing an Obama conversation with a woman, Bernice Obromovitch, who owns a pest control business in Florida.
McCain addressed the press"Bernice, the exterminator whose simple dream was to rid Floridians of silverfish under an Obama administration would have to serve as a pest control woman in Afganistan to make ends meet.
This is not the America that I know. Clearly Obama's socialist leanings are putting cockroaches first"

Sunday, October 12, 2008

'Touched by an Angel" Producers to Debut "Mauled by the Markets"

In this version Mr and Mrs Joe Six pack will have fatal heart attacks after opening their 401 K statements but then be revived by wingless angels (they had to sell their wings to meet margin calls)

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Handbasket in Which World is Going to Hell In Sold Off on Ebay

The handbasket in which the world is going to Hell in received a final bid of $2.98 recently on ebay. There were hopes it would fetch several billion dollars which could have been used to prevent the world from going to Hell. This only further exacerbates the current despair
The lovely wicker display was bought by an eighty year old woman in South Dakota who said she would put it on her mantle right next to a collection she recently purchased of all the world's pots to piss in.
She likes to tell all her neighbors you may not have a pot to piss in but I do.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Obama Pal'ing Around With Barney, Purple Dinosaur Terrorist

The latest Sarah Palin accusation is that Barack Obama once posed in a picture with Barney, the Purple Dinosaur terrorist.
Palin explained "Everyone knows Barney killed off all the other dinosaurs."
Palin was quick to add "Ya hey dere you don't see any other dinosaurs on the scene do you now."