Wednesday, November 5, 2008

New York Times Publishes "No Exit" Polls

In its never ending quest to be erudite and parade its intelligence to the nth degree, the
York Times published ‘No exit’ polls taken on Election day.
Some of the highlights included:
15% said they had no faith in the future and they were suffocating on their past.
Of whites with a college education 35% realized nothing could change the unalterable weight of their mortality and most spent five hours in the voting booth staring at the senseless fluorescent lighting of the white void .
Of those making over $100,000, 50% voted to descend into the plus leather nothingness of a New Infinity.

Republicans Claim Scientific Proof Democratic Tears of Joy Last Night Were Elitist Tears

After electing the first black american to office and revitalizing their hopes Democrats and millions of people cried for hours last night
Republicans got a hold of those tears and have had them scientifically analyzed. They claim their composition yielded the following results:
20% Jamba juice
20% Harvard law review
20% Ionized Purified Belgian Spring water
20% The Amalgamated 1005 Elitist Union Refrigerator magnets
20% Yes We Can Oil of Cloves