Saturday, October 15, 2011

Zombie Movies I Would Like to See

A Zombies tail
Depite the social stigmas and obstacles a group of folks make it their mission to reconstruct a zombies lips so he can sing on Americas Got Talent. Morgan Freeman and Angelina Jolie as the lips.

Zombie Like Magnolias
Sensitive divorced zombies meet in a support group , learn a little about themselves and open their own beauty parlor. Features Meryl Strept Throat.

Skin Loose
Robbed of their secret desire to dance by the oppression of the grave and small town politics these zombies shake their booties which makes them lose what little flesh they have left. Stars Kevin 'Your Face Tastes Like' Bacon.”

Primary Contagion
After eating the brains of republicans Zombies are mysteriously dropping like flies. The worlds scientists work feverishly to create more republicans by encouraging the zombies to propose taxes on millionaires and expand the role of government. Matt 'Damien' and a special appearance by "A Pinch of “Newt” Gingrich”

The Zombie Bender
A group of old college buddies zombies get together and get so shit faced they steal the hounds of hell from the Devil. Bradley Cooper plays every part.

Forrest Stumps
After the apocalypse (despite the loss of his half eaten legs) one man and his child like naiveté, survive. He charms zombies left and right with his incredible stories.
“Excuse me Forest uh well uh please don’t try and run”
Justin Bieber takes on the challenging role.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Reviews of T.V Shows in Twenty Words or Less

Ice Road Truckers
Get some goddamn salt already.

Project Runway
Tim Gunn is to Gay as Rodney King is to Fuck Up.

The X Factor
American The Voice Idol Got Talent. Hello!

Millionaire Matchmaker
Needs to modernize to reflect the times "Horny Bankrupt HasBeens"

The Latest:
"M-I-C-K-E-Y we found traces of ear hair in the bloody tub M-O-U-S-E Cincinnati"

Confessions of an Animal Hoarder
Animal excrement as eco flooring. I should have thought of that.
Dog The Bounty Hunter
What no K-Mart line of fashion designed by the wife?

In desperate Ipod Shuffle mode of every winner and loser there ever was.

The Biggest Loser
Where is "The Biggest Gainer" featuring insecure anorexics gaining a quarter ounce.

Celebrity ReHab
Scott Baio's agent pleads with him to become an addict to jump start his career.

Any Housewives of Any City
Where is "Ya hey dere bitches of Fargo"