Have Paul Bunyan take Viagra and plug it with his four hour erection.
Make it a team project for Sharon Osbourne and Barbara Streisand in “Oil Spill Apprentice “
Dump a million nascar beer koozies in there.
Have one of the well enhanced women from a Go Daddy commercial reach down to pick up a gold medallion off the ocean floor
Tell Kanye West that Taylor Swift is getting a MTV award at the site of the spill and he will show up and all his bling will plug the hole.
Convince Studio executives to do a film about teenage oil sucking vampires.
Let BP executives explain the oil leak is not as bad if viewed with 3D glasses