Friday, October 23, 2009

Kanye West Swears He Owns Illegal Guns

Upset about all the publicity Lil Wayne is getting after the illegal gun charges Kanye West is stepping forward.
At a recent press conference Kanye rambled and spouted:
"I own several guns, none of which are registered. Pull me over I dare you.
The police are scared of me. I thought for sure my "My Other Gun Isnt legally Registered Either" bumper sticker would make me a player.
Hell I eat .40-calibre semi-automatic's for breakfast.
In fact when I interrupted Taylor Swift I was packing. I really wanted to say Beyonce's firearms are the best but I didnt want to get her in trouble.
And you know when Plaxico Burris accidentally shot himself.
That was my gun in his pants and no he wasn't just happy to see me.
I supply most of the hip hop and rapper world with their pieces.
You see I'm a firm believer in gun control. There are lots of guns and I control them."

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Republicans Claim Dems Considering Public vs Private Euthanasia Option

In what is being called scare tactics some Republican senators claim the Democrats are considering giving the public choice of Euthanasia options.
A little know Republican Wyoming senator pointed out this may put private Euthanasia entities out of business. "We need to create an even playing field even if we are burying people under that field"

Monday, October 19, 2009

New Reality show to Feature Publicity Stunts for New Reality Show

In the lastest life imitates art imitating life imitating a parakeet imitating life Fox has announced a new reality show, "Reality Shmeeality" that features everyday joe Sixpacks and Betty 24 packs who stage elaborate hoaxes in the hope of getting on the air.
Inspired by the recent balloon fiasco some of the stories in development include a young boy who has fallen down a hole in the factory where they make the "Clapper" and all the workers clap out songs to find him including "Day Tripper" and "Yellow submarine" on loan from the Michael Jackson catalog. He is eventually found by a young Mexican worker clapping out the Macarena and it turns out the worker is illegal and is profiled on 48 Hours "Whose Job is it Anyways?"
Another scenario has octomom taking a snorkeling trip and fighting for the rites to saltwater with Octopus (a jelly verterbrae'd fish) with triplet tentacles on the way. Octomom is eventually overtaken by SpongeBobSquarePants who forces out Octomom in a dress design competition.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Obama Receives Oscar

The Academy gave the President an Oscar in "one of the most admirable and respected films yet to be made."
The Academy went on to say "We know how skilled he will be when he hits the silver screen and this is a vote of confidence that he will beat out Hugh Jackman and Leonardo DiCaprio as well as Jack Nicholson's gritty comeback vehicle."

Monday, October 5, 2009

Real Reasons Chicago Didn't Get The Olympics

Real Reasons Chicago Didn’t Get the Olympics:

During the Presentation all the Chicago delegates were chewing on toothpicks.

The logo of the Beefy Ribs encapsulating the city didn’t cut it.

The Olympic committee wasn’t impressed by the video showing a flaming arrow lighting up the giant Foam Finger of the Number 1

The five Olympic ring of Deep Dish Pizza was too heavy on the sausage.

Mayor Daley gave each of the Olympic Voting members a GAF Viewmaster
to present his vision of the future.

The video of how the lakefront might appear in 2016 including Man eating Asian carp.

The Chicago delegation just assumed dead members of the Olympic committee would be part of the voting.

In a quest to match the color and passion of the Brazilian dancer’s presentation, the Chicago committee left the actual peacock on their festive headdress of feathers.

The Olympic voting committee didn’t bite on their competitive slogan
“Chicago: We put the Carny in Carnivale.”