Friday, February 19, 2010

The Tiger Woods Paradox How Hookers Could Become Mother Theresa's.

If every time a very rich high profile celebrity scewed up (so to speak) they would have to give half their life's savings to the World Hunger Project we would not only forgive them we would commend them. In fact we would hope for them to fuck up.
Think about it wouldn't you like to see Tiger fuck everybody in sight if it resulted in saving thousands upon thousands of children.
This is a new kind of reverse morality that deals with the reality that people make mistakes. They will always make mistakes but if they receive hundreds of millions of dollars for being held to a different standard, take that money and do good with it. In that sense hookers are all really Mother Theresa's.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The Indictment Party

Illinois has produced an articulate extremely intelligent President but now I think its time to go back to our roots.
Its time for the creation of a new party that embraces our long history and tendency towards corruption. This party, well lets call it “the Indictment” party.
Qualified candidates must have a class 1 felony and be at least under investigation for one count of racketeering.
If there are any real names on the petitions of registered voters, the candidates will be immediately disqualified.
This party will give a face to the prostitutes, not hide them away.
The press secretaries for the candidates must be investigative reporters looking into things like where did the money go for blue jean day.
For the indictment party to accuse is to show you care.

The state of the union will be delivered behind bars. The state license plate would feature a graphic of a prisoner making the state license plate.

The wives of candidates will stand by their men through thick and thin and only be allowed to divorce the men if they are faithful and don’t cheat on them.
A special press conference might go a little like this
complete with a tear strewn face the wife musters the courage to speak:
“In the Fall of 2008 I have learned my husband did not sleep with anyone but me. For myself, my children and the good of the party I have no choice but to leave him.
I believed in the promiscuity of the women of Argentina but they have let me down and more importantly have let you, the voters down.”

All bids submitted to the government agencies must be transparent and posted on the internet and by transparent I mean-
Yes the bids must contain why they should be allowed to make the buses, but more importantly who will get the kickbacks and the kickbacks must be earmarked for further corrupt activities like opening a chain of massage parlors, then blackmailing the alderman who frequent them.
For the indictment party “Pay it sleazy” replaces “Pay It Forward”

Saturday, February 6, 2010

New Excuses Jon Edwards Has for His Behavior

His girlfriend was an avatar he needed to sleep with so he could save the world from a band of cheating nymphomaniacs.

The sex tape was made to raise money for the Haiti earthquake victims and we’ll be released with his upcoming feel good song“We fuck the world”

He wore a pink ribbon while he slept with the woman to raise money for his wife’s breast cancer.

In addition to lewd sex acts he also discusses the dangers of global warming on the tape.