Have Paul Bunyan take Viagra and plug it with his four hour erection.
Make it a team project for Sharon Osbourne and Barbara Streisand in “Oil Spill Apprentice “
Dump a million nascar beer koozies in there.
Have one of the well enhanced women from a Go Daddy commercial reach down to pick up a gold medallion off the ocean floor
Tell Kanye West that Taylor Swift is getting a MTV award at the site of the spill and he will show up and all his bling will plug the hole.
Convince Studio executives to do a film about teenage oil sucking vampires.
Let BP executives explain the oil leak is not as bad if viewed with 3D glasses
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
The Tiger Woods Paradox How Hookers Could Become Mother Theresa's.
If every time a very rich high profile celebrity scewed up (so to speak) they would have to give half their life's savings to the World Hunger Project we would not only forgive them we would commend them. In fact we would hope for them to fuck up.
Think about it wouldn't you like to see Tiger fuck everybody in sight if it resulted in saving thousands upon thousands of children.
This is a new kind of reverse morality that deals with the reality that people make mistakes. They will always make mistakes but if they receive hundreds of millions of dollars for being held to a different standard, take that money and do good with it. In that sense hookers are all really Mother Theresa's.
Think about it wouldn't you like to see Tiger fuck everybody in sight if it resulted in saving thousands upon thousands of children.
This is a new kind of reverse morality that deals with the reality that people make mistakes. They will always make mistakes but if they receive hundreds of millions of dollars for being held to a different standard, take that money and do good with it. In that sense hookers are all really Mother Theresa's.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Indictment Party
Illinois has produced an articulate extremely intelligent President but now I think its time to go back to our roots.
Its time for the creation of a new party that embraces our long history and tendency towards corruption. This party, well lets call it “the Indictment” party.
Qualified candidates must have a class 1 felony and be at least under investigation for one count of racketeering.
If there are any real names on the petitions of registered voters, the candidates will be immediately disqualified.
This party will give a face to the prostitutes, not hide them away.
The press secretaries for the candidates must be investigative reporters looking into things like where did the money go for blue jean day.
For the indictment party to accuse is to show you care.
The state of the union will be delivered behind bars. The state license plate would feature a graphic of a prisoner making the state license plate.
The wives of candidates will stand by their men through thick and thin and only be allowed to divorce the men if they are faithful and don’t cheat on them.
A special press conference might go a little like this
complete with a tear strewn face the wife musters the courage to speak:
“In the Fall of 2008 I have learned my husband did not sleep with anyone but me. For myself, my children and the good of the party I have no choice but to leave him.
I believed in the promiscuity of the women of Argentina but they have let me down and more importantly have let you, the voters down.”
All bids submitted to the government agencies must be transparent and posted on the internet and by transparent I mean-
Yes the bids must contain why they should be allowed to make the buses, but more importantly who will get the kickbacks and the kickbacks must be earmarked for further corrupt activities like opening a chain of massage parlors, then blackmailing the alderman who frequent them.
For the indictment party “Pay it sleazy” replaces “Pay It Forward”
Its time for the creation of a new party that embraces our long history and tendency towards corruption. This party, well lets call it “the Indictment” party.
Qualified candidates must have a class 1 felony and be at least under investigation for one count of racketeering.
If there are any real names on the petitions of registered voters, the candidates will be immediately disqualified.
This party will give a face to the prostitutes, not hide them away.
The press secretaries for the candidates must be investigative reporters looking into things like where did the money go for blue jean day.
For the indictment party to accuse is to show you care.
The state of the union will be delivered behind bars. The state license plate would feature a graphic of a prisoner making the state license plate.
The wives of candidates will stand by their men through thick and thin and only be allowed to divorce the men if they are faithful and don’t cheat on them.
A special press conference might go a little like this
complete with a tear strewn face the wife musters the courage to speak:
“In the Fall of 2008 I have learned my husband did not sleep with anyone but me. For myself, my children and the good of the party I have no choice but to leave him.
I believed in the promiscuity of the women of Argentina but they have let me down and more importantly have let you, the voters down.”
All bids submitted to the government agencies must be transparent and posted on the internet and by transparent I mean-
Yes the bids must contain why they should be allowed to make the buses, but more importantly who will get the kickbacks and the kickbacks must be earmarked for further corrupt activities like opening a chain of massage parlors, then blackmailing the alderman who frequent them.
For the indictment party “Pay it sleazy” replaces “Pay It Forward”
Saturday, February 6, 2010
New Excuses Jon Edwards Has for His Behavior
His girlfriend was an avatar he needed to sleep with so he could save the world from a band of cheating nymphomaniacs.
The sex tape was made to raise money for the Haiti earthquake victims and we’ll be released with his upcoming feel good song“We fuck the world”
He wore a pink ribbon while he slept with the woman to raise money for his wife’s breast cancer.
In addition to lewd sex acts he also discusses the dangers of global warming on the tape.
The sex tape was made to raise money for the Haiti earthquake victims and we’ll be released with his upcoming feel good song“We fuck the world”
He wore a pink ribbon while he slept with the woman to raise money for his wife’s breast cancer.
In addition to lewd sex acts he also discusses the dangers of global warming on the tape.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Kanye West Swears He Owns Illegal Guns
Upset about all the publicity Lil Wayne is getting after the illegal gun charges Kanye West is stepping forward.
At a recent press conference Kanye rambled and spouted:
"I own several guns, none of which are registered. Pull me over I dare you.
The police are scared of me. I thought for sure my "My Other Gun Isnt legally Registered Either" bumper sticker would make me a player.
Hell I eat .40-calibre semi-automatic's for breakfast.
In fact when I interrupted Taylor Swift I was packing. I really wanted to say Beyonce's firearms are the best but I didnt want to get her in trouble.
And you know when Plaxico Burris accidentally shot himself.
That was my gun in his pants and no he wasn't just happy to see me.
I supply most of the hip hop and rapper world with their pieces.
You see I'm a firm believer in gun control. There are lots of guns and I control them."
At a recent press conference Kanye rambled and spouted:
"I own several guns, none of which are registered. Pull me over I dare you.
The police are scared of me. I thought for sure my "My Other Gun Isnt legally Registered Either" bumper sticker would make me a player.
Hell I eat .40-calibre semi-automatic's for breakfast.
In fact when I interrupted Taylor Swift I was packing. I really wanted to say Beyonce's firearms are the best but I didnt want to get her in trouble.
And you know when Plaxico Burris accidentally shot himself.
That was my gun in his pants and no he wasn't just happy to see me.
I supply most of the hip hop and rapper world with their pieces.
You see I'm a firm believer in gun control. There are lots of guns and I control them."
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Republicans Claim Dems Considering Public vs Private Euthanasia Option
In what is being called scare tactics some Republican senators claim the Democrats are considering giving the public choice of Euthanasia options.
A little know Republican Wyoming senator pointed out this may put private Euthanasia entities out of business. "We need to create an even playing field even if we are burying people under that field"
A little know Republican Wyoming senator pointed out this may put private Euthanasia entities out of business. "We need to create an even playing field even if we are burying people under that field"
Monday, October 19, 2009
New Reality show to Feature Publicity Stunts for New Reality Show
In the lastest life imitates art imitating life imitating a parakeet imitating life Fox has announced a new reality show, "Reality Shmeeality" that features everyday joe Sixpacks and Betty 24 packs who stage elaborate hoaxes in the hope of getting on the air.
Inspired by the recent balloon fiasco some of the stories in development include a young boy who has fallen down a hole in the factory where they make the "Clapper" and all the workers clap out songs to find him including "Day Tripper" and "Yellow submarine" on loan from the Michael Jackson catalog. He is eventually found by a young Mexican worker clapping out the Macarena and it turns out the worker is illegal and is profiled on 48 Hours "Whose Job is it Anyways?"
Another scenario has octomom taking a snorkeling trip and fighting for the rites to saltwater with Octopus (a jelly verterbrae'd fish) with triplet tentacles on the way. Octomom is eventually overtaken by SpongeBobSquarePants who forces out Octomom in a dress design competition.
Inspired by the recent balloon fiasco some of the stories in development include a young boy who has fallen down a hole in the factory where they make the "Clapper" and all the workers clap out songs to find him including "Day Tripper" and "Yellow submarine" on loan from the Michael Jackson catalog. He is eventually found by a young Mexican worker clapping out the Macarena and it turns out the worker is illegal and is profiled on 48 Hours "Whose Job is it Anyways?"
Another scenario has octomom taking a snorkeling trip and fighting for the rites to saltwater with Octopus (a jelly verterbrae'd fish) with triplet tentacles on the way. Octomom is eventually overtaken by SpongeBobSquarePants who forces out Octomom in a dress design competition.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
